gemini rites #10

being humbled by the library, 'pervert ska' + an unexpected snack

I.

Recently I played myself. Let me explain.

After being on the library waitlist for over six months, Eros: The Bittersweet by Anne Carson, I got a text saying that it was ready for pickup. I already had a massive stack of library books brewing in the corner of my room, but when Anne Carson calls, you answer. I picked up the book.

I had five(!!) whole weeks to read this highly anticipated book by my favorite author. For some reason I started reading a book I instantly disliked (August Blue, by Deborah Levy), yet I couldn’t put it down. Time passed. I got a text saying I had books due in two days. Eros was on the list. It could not be renewed because it was on the waitlist.

Panicked, I started reading it. As I would have guessed, it was delicious, as all her writing is. But it was also a bit dense, and I was coming off a long week. My brain wasn’t ready to digest such an academic text.

On the day it was due, I went to the park by the library and sat under a tree, reading as much as I could. But I was nursing a migraine that had started that morning, and my eyes were crossing a bit.

Very, very bitterly, I returned the book — half finished. I think I’ll buy my own copy. It feels like the type of book I will be referencing over and over again.

There is something uniquely convincing about the perceptions that occur to you when you are in love. They seem truer than other perceptions, and more truly your own, won from reality at personal cost. Greatest certainty is felt about the beloved as necessary complement to you. Your powers of imagination connive at this vision, calling up powers of imagination connive at this vision, calling up possibilities from beyond the actual. All at once a self never known before, which now strikes you as the true one, is coming into focus. A gust of godlikeness may pass through you and for an instant a great many things look knowable, possible and present. Then the edge asserts itself. You are not a god. You are not that enlarged self. Indeed, you are not even a whole self, as you now see. Your new knowledge of possibilities is also a knowledge of what is lacking in the actual.

pg 36, Eros: The Bittersweet

II.

Made some very delicious risotto with asparagus, peas, cheesy sauce and nutritional yeast. I still don’t really understand what nutritional yeast is, but damn is it good!

III.

My recent reads include:

August Blue by Deborah Levy (ended up not hating it in the end, I just was a little embarrassed by her clunky usage of the term ‘cancelled’ throughout the novel). ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Alphabetical Diaries by Sheila Heti (tied in top spot for my favorite author, her writing inspires me so deeply). ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Brutes by Dizz Tate (some really good lines in here, but as a whole this book made 0 sense. Disappointing!!). ⭐️⭐️

Currently I’m reading Either/Or by Elif Batuman.

IV.

Been really enjoying these albums:

Early Hours - Bearcubs (great writing music)

I YOU SHE - Godford (also great writing music)